My Mom is Slipping

I talked to my mom today. She started telling me about her theory of raising children. "They are really not a problem, as long as you get them young. You just train them, like a dog."
I said, "You do realize that you're speaking with me, your daughter, right?"
She quickly said, "I think I hear Daddy calling me. Gotta go! Bye."

Last night my kind boss, Marc came in and asked if anyone wanted dessert. I said, "I do!"
I was the only person who responded. There was an odd moment of silence. I finally commented, "I guess this is why I'm chubby." How could everyone not want apple pie and homemade whipped cream? I didn't understand. Then again, everyone at work last night was pretty skinny, so it all does make sense.

I was a fat child, and then I lost the weight, but in recent years it's like the prodigal weight returned. How did that story end in the bible anyway? I knew I shoulda kept going to bible camp...